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RESOURCES

OUR MISSION

You Are Not Losing It (YANLI) is dedicated to educating and coaching on healing emotional trauma to break free from the bondage of generational trauma. Our goal is to break the cycle of generational trauma and help express feelings in a proper/healthy way to empower and ignite a person's full potential.

OUR VALUES

We believe that healthy relationships are the foundation of a healthy family and empowered thriving community where every person regardless of age, race, origin, gender, religion, or social status feels safe and valued in the community.

Psychological and Emotional abuse

Psychological abuse comes in the form of control, deception, denial, invalidation, ridicule, contradiction, and derogatory statements that cause harm and interfere with the psychological adjustment of a person.  These statements are attacks or passive-aggressive comments on the victim's competence, (“You can't do anything right; you're just a big dummy”) or character (e.g., “You're so lazy, no one will ever love you as I do, you are too big/fat /not the most beautiful, but I still love you, good for nothing, etc). Sometimes a statement is made to sound like a compliment but starts with a disparaging comment covered with praise. When the targeted person expresses concern about these comments, the intentions get twisted into making it sound like this person is too sensitive, overreacting, or can not take a joke.

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Emotional abuse happens when a person controls another person using emotions, criticism, embarrassment, intimidation, shame, gaslighting, blame, and manipulation. In general, an emotionally abusive relationship is when there is a consistent pattern of, bullying, inappropriate, demeaning, and offensive words and/or behaviors that wear down and disarm a person's defenses.

Am I in a toxic/ abusive relationship?

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  • Do you feel stuck?

  • Do you feel less or not good enough?

  • Have you talked to friends and family or maybe a professional, but you feel they don’t get it? (Nobody understands or validates)

  • Do you feel the need of obtaining evidence for proof of what you are experiencing?

  • Do you feel like crazy or losing it?

  • Do you feel like a detective in your relationship?

  • Do you find it hard to make friends and family understand your pain?

  • Do your words get twisted and used against you?

  • Does your partner say things about you, your personality, appearance, character, or accomplishments that make you feel bad?

  • Do you feel exhausted, drained, and desperate for peace or/and change?

  • Do you feel the need of obtaining evidence for proof of what you are experiencing?

  • Do you have self-doubt, second guess yourself in almost everything?

  • Do you feel like you give too much but you get back too little or nothing?

Hidden abuse

Hidden abuse includes physical, sexual, psychological, verbal, emotional and mental, financial, and spiritual. Hidden abuse is insidious and happens in private, behind doors, and leaves no physical signs or scars. As a result, one struggles to determine whether or not the treatment is part of a normal relationship. In the process of trying to solve the issues, one gets blamed for the strife in the relationship, leaving one conflicted about who is at fault. In most cases, the issues seem too petty to complain about so a victim of hidden abuse tends to normalize the strife as usual marital issues.

 

In most cases, by the time one starts to realize the ongoing issues are actually abuse, the challenges that follow include lack of language/the words to point and describe the abuse, self-doubt, lack of support from friends and family, having very little or no financial access, being tied down by joint commitments, trauma bond, anxiety, just to name a few. 

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Hidden abuse can make a person feel like crazy or losing it.  The inner critic and self-doubt are some of the struggles when trying to rise above an abusive situation. The inner critic is negative self-talk which includes feeling shameful, Feeling like a fraud, self-doubts, and low self-esteem. The inner critic is nagging negative thoughts that question and undermines each decision and accomplishment making a person feel guilty and inadequate, it is a specific negative voice in the thoughts originating from words from the past coming from different sources like childhood guardians, a bully, a sibling, or a person you looked up to or trusted, a boss or a spouse. It can be very challenging to overcome inner critic, it can even feel impossible. Breaking emotional shackles is the ultimate solution for overcoming challenges that one faces on the healing journey. Some of these challenges include codependency, boundaries, limiting beliefs, and childhood programming which makes a person feel so stuck. Healing happens when a speaks up and works through any hurt, pain, or abuse from the past.

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